Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
two words: eviction party
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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