My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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