He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
