think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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