He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
