u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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