Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What a dumb baby whore.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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