He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
