Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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