I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
