Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
