I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
