I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
