I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
