i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
