Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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