I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
