i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
