But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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