Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
