I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
