I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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