Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
