I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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