YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
