oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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