I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
