I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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