u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
