I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
