i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
