Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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