I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
