Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
