mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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