if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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