you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
