We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
