these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
