I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
