HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It was confusing and full of hummus
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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