Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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