Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
