Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
