There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
don't judge my taste in strippers
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
