Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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