Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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