My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
