I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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