my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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