somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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