shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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