ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
